Wednesday, January 28, 2015

The Slightly Disturbed Reflections of The Birthday Girl


My birthday was almost a month ago, but something about becoming twenty-five felt different from becoming twenty-four or twenty-three. It even felt different from entering the twenties.

I've been out of high school for more than seven years now, but there are things in life that I desired back than that I still haven't been able to accomplish. All these years, I felt like I could reach those goals by next year, the year after, and kept postponing things in life (since I am a January birthday girl somehow inevitably new year's resolutions get all mixed up with celebrating my birthday). And now in my mid-20s something did not feel right. I was never really living the moment, enjoying my life as it is, being comfortable in my own skin, in my life. 

I guess having studied Psychology and Sociology paid off as I came to understand more and more about who and what motivates me, how I think about my self and my identity, if and how other people have been directly or indirectly influencing my decisions, and whether or not the things that actually felt like they mattered a lot mattered at all. This process started with a lot of blaming--especially on my parents. I was and still am a people pleaser, and a pretty darn good one indeed. So my behaviors centered around what made my parents happy and became a habit, and the identities they attached to performing those behaviors well became my own, only to realize that I am not who they say I am--but I was only a people (parent) pleaser!

Then I realized that whatever influence someone had on me--as a parent, mentor, friend, lover, whatever--I, with my very own personalities and tendencies, made those decision. So then I turned to blaming myself for my stupidity, my inability, so on and so forth. Having had enough of that, I have now accepted that no one on earth really has true business to my wellbeing and happiness than myself, and learned that the most important thing is to learn to take care of what truly matters to me for myself alone. We were all egocentric in our days as an infant, and I need to be purely egocentric in my motivations and goals in life. 

Better late than never--mid-twenties seemed to be the perfect transitioning point. Perhaps on my 26th or even on my 36th birthday, I will look back at this blogpost, smile, and then give myself a pat of approval.

"It is unnecessary to heighten the glory of day by comparing it with preceding twilight" ~ Catherine Maria Sedgwick


13 comments:

  1. Hi darling, I want to say, happy 25th birthday (though almost a month later I still think better late than never hehe~). I agree, your mid-twenties is the time to explore, to take risks, to go places you've never been before for the delight of pushing boundaries and finding the true meaning of happiness. I hope you have an amazing year to come love! :) xo~ Lena

    www.felinecreatures.com

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  2. You are so beautiful! I remember feeling very similar when I turned 25. Now that I'm 27, I feel as though I've fully embraced the whole "loving myself first" concept (finally), and not needing other people's approval to feel good about the decisions I make in life. I think the older we get the more we learn that our happiness should come above others. If you're happy, making others happy will be so much easier anyway. Good post! Xx

    Jenny // Mish Mosh Makeup

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  3. Happy belated birthday, Michelle and many many happy returns of the day. Lovely flowers and an amazing post, dear. You are the one to make your dreams come true! Go for it, girl.
    kisses
    Lenya
    FashionDreams&Lifestyle

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  4. Happy birthday again, sweet HaeMin. Ahhhhhh getting older. I have a bad habit of forgetting how old I am (who does that?) and from time to time have to ask my husband which number I'm on. He tells me, a mini panic attack ensures....nNo not really...but kind of. Ha. That being said, I am more and more enjoying getting older, I feel like each year I come a step closer to finding out who i am, to discovering what works for my life and what doesn't. I agree, your mid twenties are a perfect time for transitions and finding exactly what makes YOU happy. You are on the right road, darling girl. Keep at it. Love your musings!


    xox, Maya Beth
    mylifeasmaya.com

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  5. Well happy birthday to you! 20's are a challenging time in life, life changes, and getting to know who we are! You enjoy this year and continue to do what you do! There is a path made for all of us - sometimes we can't make sense of it, but it all happens for a reason :)

    xoxo



    Kaley



    My Closet Life Blog

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  6. Aww thank you Lena so much for your kind words!!!! I will definitely explore more and try to make much out of my life, whatever it throws in my way :)

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  7. So glad to know that I am not the only one feeling this way--I was like am I being overly dramatic about my age? You are so beautiful inside and out, and thank you so much for sharing this with me! <3

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  8. Aww thank you Lenya. I definitely will try to make this year the best of all years! :)

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  9. I feel like I said the same things to me back when I was 19 but it seems more real and scary now in the mid-twenties. Thank you so much for your kind words Kaley!! Will definitely keep all the good energy and make the best of it! :)

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  10. Aww my beautiful fashionista! Thank you so much for your kind words, and reading these slightly disturbed reflections of mine. I am starting to have these mini panic attacks myself actually--maybe I'm overly dramatizing this whole age thing, but I think more so because I still don't know where I will live, what kind of life I will lead, etc! But staying optimistic and happy though <3

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  11. Hey there, completely IN-LOVE with your blog, just followed you on GFC (19), would love if you follow back :)

    mandyshareslife.com

    MandySharesLife FACEBOOK PAGE

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  12. Aww Mandy Thank you so much!!! I am more than happy to follow you back! Let's keep in touch! <3

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  13. Happy happy 25th birthday! I studied Psychology in college so I can relate to how it makes you perceive/understand things differently!

    - Deniz
    www.dressedupdeniz.com

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